Things For Which You Can Find Knitting Patterns
By Kristen Hanley Cardozo
1. PENIS COSIES. Ravelry, the largest social network for people who do yarn-related crafts, records four patterns for knit penis cosies, one crochet pattern for the same, and seven lip balm cosies that look like penises. Although the term "penis cosy" suggests that only the penis is involved, all of the penis cosy patterns include a little sweater for the testicles as well. This last detail suggests a misandrist plot, as overheated testicles cause sperm to die, especially the weaker sperm that results in be-penised babies.
FUN FACT: Wikipedia's entry for "willy warmer" reports that Clark Gable received a handknit cock sock from Carole Lombard while he was filming Gone With The Wind.
2. AN OCTOPUSS. If you've ever wanted to knit an octopus with a cat's head, this is a thing that you, dear knitter, could do.
3. BROCCOLI FLORETS. Roughage becomes that much rougher when it's made of wool.
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January 9, 2015 at 11:00AM
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